20 ridiculous things I've said to my 2 year old

Posted 01/08/2015 in Life with a toddler
Before becoming a parent, one of the things I looked forward to about having children being able to share with them a love of learning. I envisioned quiet moments where I would be teaching them about some of life's wonders, and their little minds would be soaking it all up like a sponge.

This is a scenario which may yet play out when my boys are older, but my pre-parent self never gave much thought to what words of wisdom I might be offering my children at two years old.

Today, while preparing to make these Fruit and Nut Snack Balls, I looked across the room at what my eldest boy was up to and offered him this solid, character-building advice: "Don't lick the bin!"

There he was, humming himself a tune and dancing around on one foot, with his little tongue pressed firmly up against the side of the bin. It's moments like these, I feel, that truly define what it means to have a toddler in your life.

Now, these are words I never would have imagined having to say to another person before having kids, and they got me thinking about some of the other ridiculous things I have recently said to my two year old:

  1. "Toys don't go in the potty after you have done a wee."
  2. "Get out of the fridge, please!" (He was literally IN the fridge)
  3. "No, you can't have dry weetbix for tea."
  4. "Please don't climb on Mummy just to fart."
  5. "You can't put an entire unravelled roll of toilet paper in the toilet."
  6. "You don't need Mummy to kiss every single car toy you own goodnight before you can go to bed."
  7. "Sorry mate, but if you knock down your own block tower for fun, you need to build a new one... No amount of flailing tantrums will magically bring it back."
  8. "We don't lick the dirty dishes while we are washing them."
  9. "You can't go to the shops naked, you need to get dressed before we can go."

  10. "Don't build steps with your toys to climb up and pull pictures off the walls - they hit you on the way down last time you did it, and will do the same thing again."
  11. "Don't lick the shampoo."
  12. "We can't go outside in the pouring rain to say goodnight to the car in the driveway."
  13. "It's not nice to stand on Daddy's head while he's sleeping."
  14. "A coffee cup and a mandarin are not really a car and trailer, so no amount of yelling and carrying on will allow you to join them together and drive them around."
  15. "We don't need to go outside and check the mail when you are supposed to be sleeping."
  16. "Your clean pyjamas are not what you use to clean out your potty."
  17. "Don't lick the TV" (yes, he likes to lick things).
  18. "The car keys do not go in the washing machine."
  19. "You don't need to get up and kiss the broken old car way up the back of the yard goodnight."
  20. "No, you can't hop in the microwave."

Toddlers really are learning everything from the ground up, and their exploration of the world around them can often result in some hilarious situations. Have you found yourself offering any ridiculous life lessons to your toddlers? Let us know in the comments below.




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