20 ridiculous things I've said to my 4 year old

Posted 30/04/2017 in Life with a toddler

Two years ago I wrote a post titled 20 ridiculous things I've said to my 2 year old.

Back then, when pondering what life with a 4 year old might be like, I definitely thought I'd be saying a lot less of these ridiculous things. After all, a four year old must be so much more mature, have the world so much more figured out, that they couldn't possibly still be doing things like licking bins and trying to climb into the microwave. 


Here's the thing, my now four year old has apparently very little intention of settling neatly into the world around him. He prefers to explore all the things, break all the rules, push all the boundaries and generally test his surroundings in every way he can imagine.

I suspect (hope) that this this creative, independent quality is going to lead him to greatness one day, but at the moment it is simultaneously difficult and hilarious.

So two years ago my two year old was licking bins, licking shampoo, trying to climb in appliances and destroying household decorations. I'd like to share some of the ridiculous things I've found myself saying to my now four year old:

  1. Don't lick people (yes the licking thing is still a thing).

  2. Don't put your head into the toilet bowl.

  3. You don't need to use an entire loaf of bread to make one sandwich.

  4. Don't flush your bum in the toilet.

  5. Don't lick milk out of bowls like a cat.

  6. You don't need a new piece of paper every time you draw one line on the first one.

  7. Don't put your whole hand in the peanut butter.

  8. Don't put toys in the fridge.

  9. Don't put towels in the fridge. 

  10. Don't put toy cars in the air conditioner vent (he likes to shove them in there to cool them down).

  11. Don't turn off all the lights to scare your brother.

  12. Don't touch the hot wax in the scented wax melter thingy (he has burnt himself several times, still keeps checking to see if it's working and hot this time).

  13. Don't pull out every roll of toilet paper to make a toilet paper wall (which will topple into the toilet).

  14. Stop pulling all the kitchen utensils out and balancing them around the house.

  15. Stop chasing and scaring the ducks (cats, chickens, whatever animal happens to be present).

  16. Why are you eating worms? ("Because I like to").

  17. Don't touch every single thing in the public toilet block.

  18. You need to rinse your hands properly when you wash them (he likes to make a soapy lather on his hands and keep it there indefinitely).

  19. Stop climbing the fridge.

  20. Stop threatening to poo and fart on people when you're angry.

I wonder if I'll be doing a new post in another two years, ridiculous things I've said to my 6 year old... I suspect that it's probably gonna happen. Do you have any ridiculous things you've found yourself saying to your kids? Let us know in the comments below.




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